13 February, 2014

Fitting in is for suckers.

Okay.

Who here has felt like they didn't fit in? Raise your hand.

Both of my hands are raised, like, super high. I have never really felt like I fit in. I'm weird. I'm a total dork. I like cartoons like Digimon and Transformers and TMNT. Smart equals sexy to me. But I also like tattoos. And big trucks. And fast cars. And cupcakes. And penguins.

I'm a stepmom. But I don't fit in with the other stepmoms because I don't have my own kids and don't want them. And I don't blame biomom for every single damn thing that's wrong in my life. I have a great relationship with my stepdaughter. I am pretty sure she likes me a lot.

I live in Utah but I'm not LDS. In fact, I'm totally and completely agnostic. I hate organized religion, especially the predominant religion in Utah, for the monsters it turns people into. There is nothing Christian about telling your kid that he cannot play with my kid because she doesn't "believe the same things". You can fuck right off.

I'm tall and sort of thin but I'm not athletic AT. ALL. I hate watching sports (with the exception of hockey) and hate playing them even more. I like to eat. Like, a lot. I'm an emotional eater, I'm a bored eater, I'm a craving eater. Food has the powerful ability to make me happy.

I am almost 30, married, financially stable, and do not want children. Most people in my situation are on kid two or three or, for some of the really crazy ones, five or six. I have zero desire to give birth to any children. I love my stepdaughter like she burst her way through my vagina, but I don't want to add any to the mix. I have never wanted kids. The older I get, the more that gets cemented in my head.

I am smart. I pick things up easily and I retain information fairly well. But I'm not nerdy. I don't spend my free time learning quantum physics or chemical biology or whatever. I love learning but it has to be on my terms. I hate school. I tried to do college and made it through a semester before I knew it wouldn't go anywhere for me.

I am a girl but not girly. I get my nails done and love to play with polish. But I hate shopping. I hate spending money. I hate sitting around and gossiping about other people. I am not trendy or fashion-forward because it bores me. I buy what I like and I wear what I like and could not care less about if someone else is going to approve.

I don't have a group that I fit into. I don't have friends that have been my friends since elementary school. I don't make friends easily.

But, at almost 30 years old, I think I've finally found my place. It might have taken me a bit longer than is typical, but I think I'm there. These people I make connections with online are people like me. People who don't fit into the typical molds. I finally feel like I can be myself and people will like me anyway. It's the raddest thing to encounter. I post pictures and people like them! I make comments and people respond. I don't even know how to explain it, but it's pretty awesome.

16 comments:

  1. I'm a HUGE fan of this entire post! Screw fitting in. Fitting in usually means giving up our best, most unique parts. And that is stifling and lame! <3

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    1. Thank you! I think I'm finally to the point in my life where I can stop caring so much about fitting in and just be myself. It's way easier and I'm happier. :)

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  2. I nominated you for the Leibster Award! It is an award meant to bring attention to blogs with less than 200 followers.

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  3. I love this post Kendahl. All of those things you stated above is why I have subscribed and continue to read your blog. I may not feel exactly like you do in some of those areas, but that doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is that you are very honest and that is what I enjoy most. I enjoy that you are a stepmom and that you are comfortable to talk about the highs and lows. Thank you for being true!

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    1. Ah, thank you! I'm glad you're around. ♥

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  4. Whatever, I know how athletic you are! We were on the same awesome soccer team for amazing athleticism! :)

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    1. Ahahaha we were easily the best no-wins soccer team out there. :)

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  5. You are totally awesome :) And I'm happy that you're coming to terms with your awesomeness being unconventional at times, because who wants to be "normal" anyway?! You're freakin' fantastic. Stay that way, ok? :) There's no reason we need to fit in a particular mold just because it makes it easier for other people. THEY are the ones who need to expand how they think about life, WE should not shrink ourselves to fit their narrow minds. I like playing with lipgloss and wearing high heels, and I also like rocking it at obstacle course races and getting dirty (while keeping my makeup perfect, duh). *hugs* And we're all glad you're here!

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  6. And we like you very much! <3

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  7. This is why we get along. I don't fit in either and the older I get it only gets worse...or better. It's funny that with all of the time that we've known each other (I've known you your whole life) we didn't realize how much we were alike until we were much older. I'm glad you are content with where you are at in life - that is the best things to figure out when you're an adult. So many people will never know what that feels like.

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    1. I love you, cuz! :) I am glad we were able to connect, even though it didn't happen until recently. You're pretty awesome and I'm lucky to have you in my life!

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  8. I have never felt like I fit in, at times it sucked. Now I don't give a shit and it makes life so much easier! I went from group to group of friends growing up through school so I was friends with all the different cliques at different times and stages of life but in the end I have never had a "best friend" be there all the time. Obviously its my issue..I guess. Because I had so many friends in every possible group at some time in my schooling years, I have lots of so called friends now. the difference is I don't think there is many, if any, that I could count on or be there for me for whatever reason.

    Sure, I am one of the crazy ones with 6 kids and my blended family, yet it was never in my mind that I would be anywhere close to where I am today. I do feel very blessed and believe its not for everyone. It has its days and difficulties that's for sure.

    I by far lack the smarts, the brains and all things everyone else around me seems to excel in. I do what I can but will never fit the molds. I am who I am.

    I don't dress fancy, wear designer jeans or wear lots of make up..I hunt and enjoy the outdoors camping, shooting, riding etc. much more than alot of people I know.

    I hate cooking and food in general for the most part, I think its a waste of money, time and more! Everyone things I'm odd because of it.

    I definitely don't feel I fit in to the typical utah mom mold (other than I drive a mini van and loads of kids!) nor do I care to.

    I don't have siblings who love to hang out and spend time with me and it was the one thing I was excited about as we got older and we started families. I guess because my parents came from larger families and were that way growing up. ( you know you see the sisters vacations, nights out, family gatherings every weekend, posts about how thankful they are for siblings to go to lunch, talk for hours on the phone, visit etc. etc. etc.)

    I don't fit in anywhere really, but I have a husband and kids who love me so I feel lucky.

    Through blogging I am who I am and no one seems to notice me ( unless they want something..and I post a giveaway) yet still
    I try ( yes, I know I am way behind!) to keep up my personal blog for my own journaling and time after time you have made my day. Being there, being you and even
    after we met. Wether you agree, disagree, think I'm lame or what not..your still there. Seriously one of the best friends I've ever had and I appreciate your every comment!


    Did I mention typing this on the iPad is a royal pain in the ass!

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    1. JaKell, I love you dearly! I am very glad we met through my blog forever ago. I don't think you're lame, I think you're amazing. You are a wonderful friend, wife, mother, and stepmother. You are kind and caring and loving, and you can see that through your fantastic children! I am so glad to have you in my life, even if we don't see each other much. I know you are there for me if I need it. You are wonderful!!

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  9. Sorry about the journal LOL

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