You guys, I thought being a stepmom would get easier as time went on, but I think it just gets different and still hard. That's what she said, OHH!!!
So, back to school. I have never really looked at my future and wanted children. (Just make that leap with me, come on, it'll get easier.) I made the decision to not try to have kids a long time ago. (I love being a stepmom but I seriously have no desire to be a parent ALL THE DAMN TIME.) It's not something I went into lightly. I've looked at both sides of life - with and without my own kid(s) - and weighed the pros and cons and came out on the other end deciding that I am okay with not having a child of my own.
Side note: this is my decision and I'm perfectly okay with it and if you think that people haven't tried to talk me into having kids you're crazy so please don't waste your time telling me I should have kids or it'll be different when they are "my own" or whatever else. I've heard it all.
One of the things on my 'pro' list was back-to-school time. I love school shopping and I love school supplies, ohmigod I LOVE school supplies, and I love the thought of sending a child to school with adorable little treats for their teachers shaped like apples and pencils and shit. I seriously love the idea of it.
So, that's one of my hard things as a stepmom - not getting to do that. I want to wake up early and make a special breakfast for the first day of school. I want to help with homework. I want to be the class mom and get to go in and help with crafts and spelling and whatever the hell else class moms get to be a part of. Is that weird?
Every year around this time reminds me that I don't get to do that with my kid, like ever. I've told her that I am happy to assist any time they need helpers but for some reason those requests never quite make it to my house. And that just makes me sad.
She's getting so big, I feel like that time when she hates us all is just around the corner. And I pretend that because we have a good relationship now means that it won't happen to us, but I know better. I've been a teenage girl. It was not pretty.
She started 7th grade this year. When the hell? For real, kids. Who let that happen? You owe me something. A cupcake. Or a pedicure. A quarter? They tell you to cherish it because kids grow up so fast but guys, they are serious. I've been a stepmom for almost 8 years now and it doesn't seem like it's been long enough for her to be in JUNIOR FUCKING HIGH. It's so not okay. So please excuse me a minute while I go back and cry over pictures from our wedding when she was still just a tiny little thing and I didn't worry so much about the future.