28 December, 2010

Don't make me turn this car around.

April 2010


December 2010



Wow. Look at the difference less than a year can make.

I came to a realization this weekend. Punk is not our little girl anymore. She's turning into a young woman. She is starting to form her own opinions and make her own decisions and talk in her own way and like her own things. And it scares the hell out of me. I'm scared to death she will turn into the teenager I was, and instantly hate me just because I'm a parent. I'm afraid to lose the bond we have. I've become more than just an extra Mom to her, I feel a lot like her friend. She calls me when she's bored, and talks to me for hours. She texts me when she's got nothing else to do. And I cherish that! I love that she feels like she can talk to me about anything. I absolutely adore the time we spend together, when she jabbers on and on about everything in her day, from her socks to her lunch to her teacher. How do I keep that connection there? How do I not lose it when she becomes the typical teenager? It makes me laugh to see her do things that I know she gets from me. Sometimes you look at a situation and just think, I've got to be doing something right. I feel like my entire life with her is like that. There are days when I feel like a total failure as a Mom and then she'll do something that reminds me so much of me, or something I've told her, or she will tell me she learned something from me, and it changes it all in an instant. Life as a stepmom is hard sometimes, but at least there are moments when it feels worth it, and those moments are getting more frequent.

4 comments:

  1. Sounds like you really are an important person in her life.

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  2. This is so utterly sweet. I like your attitude!

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  3. My little girl is growing up, and I am scared. I may or may not need someone to hold and rock me...and tell me it will be okay.

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  4. I have two little ones and I notice my stepkids parenting them the way I do. The older boys will get mad when they asked to do something etc but I notice they do the exact same thing to the small kids. So I see that I am having a positive influence (even though they don't like it). They will sure talk the talk w/o walking the walk. Funny stuff.

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