I don't know how I handled this so frequently when I was a kid. I remember bits and pieces of this one but more often than not, I don't remember anything. All I know is the feeling of dread. The only way I can describe it is, paralyzing fear. I wake up sobbing, pillow completely drenched, body completely drenched, full of a horrible feeling I can't shake. I feel like if I were to know I was dying, this is the feeling I would have. I wish that I could put into words how terrible this is. I've been awake for 15 minutes but the tears won't stop. I am absolutely afraid to go back to sleep. I want to call everyone I know and tell them I love them, because it might be my last chance.
Towards the end I knew I was in my bed and not in the terror but I couldn't get myself to wake up from it. I couldn't snap myself out of the world in my head, but I feel like if I don't, I'm not going to wake up. It's like that a lot - I can feel my pillow, feel my tears, know it's not real, but cannot make it stop. Other times, I wake up somewhere other than my bed, no idea what's going on or where I am or how I got there.
I can't imagine having to see this as a parent. I don't know how my parents did it. They would find me at the end of the hall sobbing and walking and talking but still asleep and they wouldn't be able to wake me up. How horrible to watch your child go through this and be able to do nothing about it. They put me on some sort of pill that helped but basically gave me insomnia that I didn't get rid of until I met Husband.
It'll feel like this all day, too. This feeling doesn't fade quickly. It's such a helpless situation to be in - doctors don't know what causes them, they don't really know how to make them stop, it's just terrible. And people that have never had one or seen someone else during a night terror think they understand, but don't. It's not a nightmare; it's much, much worse. I literally feel like I could die during these dreams. I've woken up not breathing before and had to talk my brain into letting oxygen into my lungs again.
I wish there was something I could do to make my brain realize I'm okay. I really wanted to sleep in today. Urgh.