12 August, 2009

Serious Question

What is the best way for me to instill in Punk standards for clothing? Here is my main problem. The 'real mom' does not dress how I would ever want to see my daughter dress. I have on more than one occassion seen WAY more than I ever wanted to see of real mom's body, and it makes me kind of sick, to be honest. How am I supposed to tell Punk that you shouldn't wear certain things when her mom dresses like that? Two years ago for Halloween [she was 6 at the time], her mom dressed her up like "Pumpkin Spice". In my head, I'm thinking lots of orange, lots of sparkle, cute idea. Then she tells me that her skirt was so short she had to wear dance shorts underneath because her butt hung out. NOT OKAY! She was freaking 6 years old!! We go clothes shopping, and she picks out things that are way too small for her, and when she tries them on, she tells me they are fine. Not at our house!

What's the best way for me to say, "You can't walk around looking like a ho," to an 8-year old with a mom that dresses, well, like a ho?

I would love for any input if any of you have been through this!


  1. That is a a tough one. I have a couple of suggestions.

    Tell her why you don't wear certain things.

    Is it too soon to explain to her that boys and men often think what you show you are willing to share. They might touch her in places they should not because they think it is ok because they can see it. You can explain that her clothes do not give anyone the right to do that.

    Tell her some clothes look pretty, but others are too grown up for an 8 year old.

    I don't know if she lives with you or not. If she doesn't pick out some cute outfits and keep them in your home for her. Does she have a favorite singer, or kids show.(not someone who dresses poorly) Maybe you can purchase some items with those themes. Like a Hanna Montana tee shirt to go with some regular jeans.

    Get Dad involved. It makes more of an impact when a father addresses his daughters clothing.

  2. You know what always helped me is when I was doing a horrible job with my clothes or makeup my mom would have me go see a professional. By professional I mean like a close friend of yours she doesn't know that has a lot of fashion sense. Tell her you guys are going on shopping and you are having a big time fashionista coming with you to give you guys tips. Then your "friend" can sya things you maybe can't and they would have more merit. Like she could say "Oh honey no no too small and tacky. But you would look amazing in one size up!" Don't have her rude but have her be silly honest....am I making sense?

  3. I wonder if she could have a separate wardrobe at your house than she does at her mom's house. That's such a tough situation because kids will rebel if lecture.

    It would be great if you could catch one of those makeover shows together where they dress cheaply and then are made over to be classy. Usually the person wearing the clothing totally gets it after that and it's such a visual teaching tool to see the changes.

  4. I like what Analisa said about having her father get involved. And, as you know, your example says more than words often can. Just be careful when you discuss what she's wearing that you don't criticize her or her mother--you don't want her to view you as an adversary.

    I'm sorry I can't offer more advice...I haven't had to deal with this myself. I've been sitting here trying to think of what I would do, and I'm having a hard time. Good luck.

  5. grr! you poor girl! dumb real mom! i don't have one ounce of advice to give because i have NO idea what you could do BUT just know that i really like the "fashionista" friend idea. lol you could ever have her dress in like sunglasses, a feather boa, haha.. just something that shows that she's like the girls on the disney channel. lol i don't want say this because it makes me look like a total nerd but i swear i've only seen it on TV from my little sister but on Sweet Life of Zack and Cody ya know London (the one that isn't ashley tisdale. HAHA) haha... have your friend try to dress like her! fashion, but a little over the top!

    woo! now that i'm officially embarrassed i think i'll go now. mhm. good luck. sorry if i didn't make any sense at all!

  6. I know what you mean, have the same situation with one of my step-daughters, we just let her know why we don't approve and let her choose her clothes that we feel are appropriate to keep at our house. She is 10 and wears size 6 clothing alot, she is skinny, but its still way to tight and small with most of it, but she likes the tight bare styles. She gets excited to go shopping and get a few new outfits, the best we can do is let her know how we feel. We don't agree with alot..like the music she is allowed to listen too, TV and movies she gets to watch. Its like she is being raised in two different worlds, its sad. Good luck!

  7. ya I don't have any advice. Sorry yo! I just wanted to tell you that your new blog is SO cute. I love it.

  8. P.S. Thank you times one milion for not having word verification when I leave you a comment. I hate typing those stupid things in! I'm done now for real.

  9. ah crap I spelled million wrong. Sorry! I'm an idiot.

  10. Lots of great comments. I agree with keeping some clothes at your house which meet your standards, getting Dad involved, and also explaining why certain outfits have negative effects. Wonderful input! Basically- teaching your step daughter how to respect herself and be proud of her body, without inappropriate dress.

    I just want to praise you for your active involvement in your stepdaughter's life and how you care for her and want the best for her.
    Shirley Cress Dudley, MA LPC

  11. I think the makeover show is a good idea.
    Maybe if she sees women that dress like her mom get made-over she'll come up with the idea on her own that her mom doesn't dress properly.

    If she's picking sizes that are too small, maybe you and her can look together online to find some sort of size guide for kids...they're all over for adults, I'm sure you can find them for kid's sizes as well. You can measure her with a tape measure which could be fun for her, she can measure you too, and you can both look up your sizes and go shopping after. Then she can just go straight to her sizes before actually trying them on.


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